dream outloud

The '00s: Goodbye (at Last) to the Decade from Hell

http://www.time.com/time/photogallery/0,29307,1944094,00.html

 I wrote this in January 2009, but for some reason, today seems like a good day to revisit it.  I think I'll be pulling out some old stuff I've written to mix with the new.  Be inspired. :)

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As I woke this morning, my radio kindly informed me that the temperature outside my gloriously warm home was -17º. Can I just say that I experienced an overwhelming temptation to not leave the comfortable cocoon of my bed?

But, duty calls.

So up I arose, and after donning 2 pairs of socks, jeans, 4 long-sleeve shirts -including Under Armor - snow boots, snow pants, my winter coat, hat and mittens, (whew!) I was ready to go wait for the bus.

Joy.

I cannot express how wonderful it was when my Mom offered to drive me to the “L” station. I felt all warm and toasty inside. :) So, I got dropped off, boarded the train, and plopped down in my “usual” seat by the window without having to wait for the bus for who-knows-how-long.

All morning – throughout the drive to the station, and while on the “L” - I (ever the nature/weather-lover) was consistently struck by the sheer beauty of the day. The sky was a lovely shade of baby blue, and the sunrise tinged everything with a beautiful glow which was magnified by all the clouds billowing from people, vehicles, and other sources due to ridiculously cold air. All those vaporous clouds were like magic in the sunlight that touched them – turning them from reminders of how cold it is outside, into eye-catching shimmers full of light.

While I was riding the “L” - watching Chicago pass by in flashes of gray and white, and being occasionally blinded by the morning sun - I got to thinking... We don’t get cold weather like today too often in Chicago, but when it does happen, everyone recognizes the danger in it. Most people bundle up, and look like colorful Stay Puff Marshmallow Men waddling down the street, all nice and toasty in their winter gear. But some people freeze, or get frostbit; cars don’t start, trains get stuck. The thing is - that despite all that danger, or perhaps because of is, there is incredible beauty – beauty of a kind that we don’t get to see too often here in the Midwest. Sparkling ice, dazzlingly white snow, billows of light filled vapors, and blindingly bright sunlight. The bare lace of tree branches against the clear blue sky, and at night…stars. So many stars, twinkling out in space…

If it weren’t so incredibly cold outside today, I wouldn’t be witnessing this particular kind of beauty.

My reflections on the beauty and danger of this cold day got me thinking about other areas where beauty and danger are interlaced or even dependent upon each other.

Take, for example, the Poison Arrow Frog. Its colorful skin is beautiful to the eye, but acts as a warning to predators, because its skin secretes a poison that would kill the animal that would make the frog its dinner. Other examples of dangerous beauty in nature abound! Many brightly colored flora and fauna are so flamboyantly colored as warnings. Because they’re dangerous.

Beauty and Danger.

I’d like to take the musings on beauty and danger a step further. Or perhaps farther. Back. Back to the garden of Eden. Back to Adam and Eve living in the most beautiful place that has ever existed on this earth. So beautiful, but so dangerous, because of a beautiful serpent, and beautiful Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil (Genesis 3:6). Dangerous, because of temptation, and because we’re human, and curiosity and pride so often get the better of us. But without the danger, there would have been no free will. So, despite the Fall, I’m thankful God loved us enough from the very beginning to put danger in the beauty.

Maybe we can go back to Moses - seeing the burning bush blazing in all its glory (Exodus 3:3). I think it must have been beautiful. But also dangerous. Because at the burning bush, Moses met God, spoke with God, and was asked by God to do things that were totally outside his comfort zone. Outside his experience, and outside his perception of himself. But without the danger of obeying god, the Israelites would have remained Egyptian slaves, and Moses wouldn’t have experienced God the way he did.

What about angels? Angels are supposed to be incredibly beautiful creatures – full of light, and authority. Many times, when an angel appears in the Bible, it is greeted with fear - even terror (Num. 22:31). Angels were sent to guide (pillar of cloud and fire for the Israelites, Ex. 14:19), Angels were sent to destroy (angel of death sent as a plague to “Passover” in Egypt and kill all the firstborn sons, Ex. 12:23). Angels were sent as messengers (Gabriel to Mary to foretell the birth of Jesus, Luke 1:26). Angels were sent to teach us how to rejoice (at Jesus’ birth, Luke 2:13-14). Some angels are fallen, and are therefore incredibly powerful and dangerous enemies, but totally within God’s power (Jude 1:6). Angels are dangerous.

I think we could even apply the concept of beauty and danger to living as Christ-followers. So much beauty is found in Jesus, and in the love and grace that he offers through redemption. And yet, being a Christian is dangerous. For many countries, it is dangerous because of persecution. An average of 171,000 Christians are martyred worldwide each year (http://christianity.about.com/od/denominations/p/christiantoday.htm).  That's 475 people a day! In John 15: 18-27, 16:1-4, Jesus tells us that the world will hate us, even to the point of death. In vs. 2, He says, “a time is coming when anyone who kills you will think he is offering a service to God”. Following God is dangerous.

It’s dangerous for other reasons as well. It’s dangerous because people like to be liked. But so often, when it’s known you’re a Christian, the reaction of those you would call friends or colleagues, is rejection. And that sucks. It’s a shot to the ego, and it’s hard to be okay with rejection. It’s also hard to not be ashamed of being a Christian sometimes – mostly because of other people who call themselves “Christians”, and then act in very un-Christ-like ways. Being a Christian is emotionally, and socially dangerous.

But so worth it…

I don’t know about you, but danger appeals to me. It’s not something that I deliberately seek out, but it’s exciting. And it is so enlivening to me, to know that the life that I have chosen to live – as a Christian – is not a boring one, or a calm one. It is dangerous, and filled with challenge, and trials – which makes the reward all the more sweet. There is beauty in the danger. There is reward in meeting the danger head-on, and there is beauty in the victory.

One more point I want make is in paradox to all the things I’ve spoken about. Can you guess what it is?

It’s
the
Cross.

In Roman times, when Jesus lived, the cross was not beautiful. It was ugly and terrible – a thing of danger that ended in death. But Jesus changed all that. He took the cross – a symbol of fear, and death – and made it one of the most beautiful symbols in all of eternity. The cross is now a symbol of freedom. Freedom from death and destruction. Freedom from pain and fear. Freedom from all of our sins. The cross is hope and a future.  The cross is grace and mercy.

The cross is Love.

The cross is Beauty…

…but also danger and intrigue.


So here’s the question: Will you answer the call to live dangerously? Will you take up your cross, and follow the beauty and the danger for Christ (Mark 8:34-38)? Or will you ignore all the daily reminders that life is worth living dangerously for (in cold days, and brightly colored frogs), and just play it safe?

Beauty and danger are gifts to us. They’re there for the taking… So, will you stay wrapped up in your warm bed at home, or will you bundle up and face the dangerously cold and icy day head on?

Okay - I know I'm going video-crazy here...but this one is AMAZING!

Check this out - it's not comlete, but it sure sums up some major points.

I've been thinking about "surrender" quite a lot lately. The concept. And how I'm really bad at it.  But, how I want to be much, much better at it...when it comes to God.

For so long, I've desired to be wholly surrendered to God, and I thought I was making steps in that direction.  And perhaps I have been.  But I'm holey.  There are so many parts of me that aren't complete because I don't give it up.

In the past couple weeks, I've really been realizing just how much I suck at surrender.  And that as much as I give to God, I know in the deepest part of my heart, that I'm not giving him everything.  So, I've begun to think about "why?".

And I don't know "why?".

Maybe, there's a part of me that I'm afraid God will demand of me, and that He'll want to change it into something that I don't want.  And here's the rub:  that's probably true.  God does want me to give everything to him, and then to transform me into his likeness - to make me wholly His.  The part that I so often forget though, is that God loves me.  And that his ways are perfect.  And his ways are soooo much better than my own.  And that even if he demands the part of me that I hold most precious (and he does), he will do it gently, and carefully.

God won't to take anything away from me that I'm not willing to give.  And he won't try to make me into someone I'm not.  In fact, it's quite the opposite.  He wants to transform me into the real me.  To help me realize who the real me is - his beloved child.  And that's exciting!  I want that!

But...

There's still that part of me, where I see a girl wrapping her whole body tightly around "something".  Something she treasures.  And it appears that it will take either great and painful force to pry her away from her treasure, or incredible gentleness and love to woo her into giving away her treasure...as a gift.  And I want the latter to happen.  I want to get to a point where there's nothing I want more than to give the most precious part of me to God so that He is holding it, and guarding it with all he is.  There is no safer place for my treasure to be than with God.

So why do I still have a death-grip on this treasure?

All I know is that I'm ready, Lord.  I'm ready for you to be tender with me, and be my friend, and to show me that you are safe to give the deepest part of myself too.

London. November 1, 2009

So, the rest of Thursday afternoon, I wandered about Kensington, stopped in a few shops, went to Tesco to snag some meds for my cold, and ended up at Cafe Nero, which is London's answer to Starbucks (which is still everywhere!). The latte was good, and it was really nice to just sit alone for a bit and enjoy being in the city. I didn't stay too long, before hopping the Tube back to the Sarac's flat. It was a good afternoon.

We ate dinner and settled in for another night of tea and TV...yeah.

Friday, we had another lazy morning before walking through part of Regent Park to Marylborne. It's a "posh" area, as Olgica would say - and there were some fun shops. (Olgica's and my opinions of "fun shops" were a bit different, but that's how it goes). We went to the Wallace House Collection - a museum nearby, and there were lots of paintings, furniture, and sculptures. Quite a few Rembrants, and even a Titian...I was pleasantly surprised. They had a fabulous armor collection too.

After the museum, we stopped for coffee and ate our mini pies. Then, we walked on to Oxford Circus where we did a bit more shopping, and I finally found some gifts for family. We got on the (very busy) Tube, and went to Camden Town where Olgica and I split up. She went to the produce market, and I went to the Camden Town Market - which is a crazy/awesome punk/stoner market with some cool stuff, and pretty interesting people. Lots of metal, lots of ink, and lots of leather, right by a branch of the canal - I liked it. Kinda touristy, but I'd definitely go back (especially with fun friends). I'd like to have spent more time there...but after a while of wandering, I went back to Olgicas, where we had dinner, and then (guess what!?) watched TV.

Saturday, we slept in a bit (8:30 am), and watched TV...again. Nick and I pulled a "kid morning" and watched "Shrek the 3rd". It was pretty good. Nick was pretty much settled in for the morning, so I got dressed (Olgica had already gone to the Market, and Micha was at work), and went to the Borough Street Market (which was recommended to me by Charlotte). It was wonderful! So many interesting and beautiful vending displays in a pretty sweet part of town near London Bridge. The produce was beautiful!

At the Market, they were having a "Draw London" event (which was happening all over the city all through the month of October), which had tables set up with watercolor pastels and produce. You picked a veggie/fruit to "still life", composed it, and when done, swapped it out for another piece of art someone had done - so you went home with someone else's art work. I painted an asparagus bunch, and swapped it out for a lovely radish. It was really awesome - a trip highlight! They also had butcher paper stretched out along a fence, and people were doing ink paintings of scenes from "along the river", and a couple of ladies were doing historic musical pieces with an accordion - it was pretty sweet. :)

After painting, and perusing, I went to Monmouth Coffee (also recommended by Charlotte), which had a line out the door and around the corner - but hey, an experience is an experience! I talked with the guy expediting the line, and he was pretty awesome. We talked about coffee/travel for quite a bit. Anyways, I finally got my coffee (which they pour right in front of you at the counter, and it's a pretty cool process), and a brownie (I needed a chocolate fix!), and sat outside to enjoy. I really could have spent all day there (in that general area - there was so much to see!), but Nicholas really wanted me to see part of the "big game": Tottenham (his team) v. Arsenal (the enemy). Well, Arsenal whooped 'em 3-0. It was pretty bad.

When the game was over, Nick, Olgica, and I drove to Greenwich, where Nick went to school - also the home of the Prime Meridian. We climbed to the top of the hill to the Observatory, where people have watched stars for ages...there was a Camera Obscura, and a cool museum outlining the invention of clocks, and the progress of navigation through the ages. And (of course), the Meridian Line - marked by a laser line. We walked down into the town, and stopped at a pub called Shepherd & Neames. It was a really nice (clean, well lit, kinda pricey) pub, and I had fish and chips and a pint. And, I did the typical tourist in a phone booth routine. Anyways, after that, we drove home, and yup - you guessed it - watched TV!

We watched Brittan's version of "Dancing with the Stars" ("Strickly Come Dancing")(which makes no grammatical sense), and "American Idol" ("The X Factor"). Both had familiar faces: Len and Bruno, and Simon Cowell. And then we went to bed.

Today, we got up, got ready, and went to church. It was nice - very multi-cultural. Then, we took the Tube (Olgica and I) to Heathrow, where I checked in, wandered, and am now sitting in a place called the "Giraffe", and just finished a pretty good burger, fries and Diet Coke with lime. Life is looking better. :) Never though I'd really miss that after only 2 weeks...C'mon, Chicago!

London, October 29, 2009

Okay...here it goes...

Wednesday, Olgica and I had a lazy morning, and left the flat around 11 am. We wandered through Regent's Park, which is right by their flat, and very beautiful. I love the symmetry of English gardens, and their use of sculpture and fountains. They also use color amazingly well...purple gardens, yellow gardens, rose gardens...

From there, we went to St. Paul's Cathedral. Olgica treated me to an ₤11 view, but we had to climb over 500 steps , and close to 100 meters to get to the top of the dome! The view was worth it - and the church itself is amazingly ornate. There are so many mosaics and murals, statues, and carvings - it's incredible. I saw the biggest candle sticks I've ever seen, for sure! They were 10 feet tall - and that was without the candle! It was very opulent...I'm still not sure what I think about such over-the-top churches... They're beautiful, yes. But, it just seems that all that cash could be spent better serving the church (people) than decorating a building. I certainly don't begrudge God for being due glory, and beauty - but I kinda think that Jesus would appreciate caring for his people more than a gold-leaf mosaic.

Anyways, we stopped for coffee at a stand outside the Tate Modern after crossing the bridge. Then...onto the Tate Modern. Honestly, I was disappointed...It had a lot of Picasso - which was great, but only one Kandinsky - who's one of my favorites. And a lot of the art I just didn't like - stuff on self mutilation, and death, and other equally nasty things that I'm not sure qualify as "art" in my book.

We left at closing, and took the Tube back to the flat, where Micha had made a great meal - some of the best chicken noodle soup I've ever had! Then, Nicholas, Olgica and I watched "500 Days of Summer". I really like it! {Note to self - buy soundtrack) And then went to bed.

Today we had another lazy morning before hopping the Tube to Green Park, where we walked through Hyde Park, and the Kensington Gardens; saw the Prince Albert Memorial, and took a bus to Holland Park, where we snagged a cup of coffee, and ate lunch in the Kyoto Garden. It's very busy, as all the students are on fall break. Now, Olgica's off to a work meeting, and I think I'm going to wander some - and maybe find a pub. :)

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Funny/Interesting Things About London:

*Lots of things are small: flats, people, refrigerators, coffees, etc.
*Lots of things are BIG: public buildings, public parks, etc.
*Londoners are extremely fond of reflective vests/clothing (for cycling and any
group of kids doing anything out of the ordinary).
*The Tube is HOT! No air!
*Christmas, apparently, begins in October. [granted, this is true in the States, but
it's crazy here!]
*Either Brits look older earlier, or a lot of older people have young kids.
*For being super health-conscious (overall), there's a whole lotta smokers here.
*No one walks in a straight line
*Brits drive on the wrong side of the road (obviously!).
*Most of the children I've encountered are unbelievably unruly...which is
unexpected.
*Most people I talk to are simultaneously protective and mocking of the Crown.
*Everyone is wearing Red Poppies! (Yes, it's because it's VET week, but they're
everywhere!)

Sunday, November 15th, the ARM team who went to Armenia (myself included) are giving an 8 minute presentation at a church to sum up our experiences. Please pray for us as we seek to get the most important information across, and for me as I try to pull together a relevant, workable slide show. Thanks so much! Here's more from our trip - and the beginnings of London. ~c

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London, October 27, 2009 (afternoon)

Right. So, no time for a full update right now - that's soon to come. But, right now, I'm sitting in St. Margaret's which is right outside Westminster Abbey (which costs ₤11.50 to enter!) and it's beautiful. At each seat in the pews, there's even an embroidered kneeling cushion! Nice. The stained glass is incredible, the ceilings are vaulted, and all along the walls are plaques and reliefs. It's very beautiful...I think I'd really like Westminster Abbey - if I could afford it. :) I'd love to hear the pipe organ in here!

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London, October 27, 2009 (evening)

Whew! Okay - I've got a lot of catching up to do.

Saturday...I'm trying to remember what we did...and I can't! Dang. I think....yup - we did more work in teh dining room - scraping off the flaking parts and spackling them on all four of the wall sections. So, we finished that, and then it had to dry for a day. I think after spackling, we took turns washing up, and had lunch. We had a bit of a lazy afternoon - which was wonderful. Then, we sat outside to wait for Ruzanna. It was a really nice time of talking about ARM, brainstorming, and planning. I think it was quite productive.

Eventually, Ruzanna came with her sister, and we split up and went into town. Laurie, with Ruzanna and her sister, went to the bookstore (amazing miracle - they got there just after the doors had been locked, Laurie stuck the name of the book/author she was looking for up against the window, and since it's a book that only people who are serious about learning Armenian get, he found it for her, and she paid for it - all while they were standing outside - and it was the one book Laurie really wanted to get!). Jim, Otto and I took a taxi to Vernisage, which was pretty much closing just as we got there. But, I got a salt-bowl for Aunt Carry, and Jim and I wandered about a bit. We all met up at Vernisage - said goodbye to Ruzanna, and here sister, and went to the square. They've done quite a bit of work, and it looks lovely.

We wandered down to the Opera Center (down the newly finished promenade), and stopped for some serious ice cream at one of the cafes. It. was. AMAZING! I had the "Bad Baby" - which is chocolate ice cream with Kahlua, walnuts and almonds with chocolate sauce. Wow! It was good. Then, we went to - where else?! - Square One - for pizza. It was okay - too much cheese for me and my delicate intestines.

Then, we snagged a cab, and went back to Nork (where the ARM grounds are located). Our cabbie was great - he'd spent a couple years in California, so he was fun to talk with. Next: to bed!

Sunday, we got an early start - but there wasn't enough "rehab" stuff to keep us all busy. So, Laurie, Samuel and I hopped a cab to Vernisage. I had a lot of buying to do! I think Hayastan sent Sam with us because, apparently, someone tried to rob Laurie when we were at the clothes market, and Hayruit beat him up for us! (I love it when a guy will fight for a good cause!) But, we got all our shopping done, and on the way home, we stopped at an internet cafe to do a quick update.

When we got back to Nork, we had lunch, then went in to paint the dining room (the boys had primed while we were gone. (So, we did that for 1/2 hr., but before long, it was 2 pm, and Laurie and I had to change (again) to go to a deaf school in the neighborhood and give away flip flops. They were so happy to see us - we got photos, and we think they have enough space that we could build the whole (or at least most) or the Skokie playground there (which is huge!)! So - a very successful excursion. [Side Note: I hadn't even thought of it - but there are different signs for Armenian sign language. We learned sh'nora golum (thank you)].

Next, we went back, changed (again!), and painted the dining room a beautiful yellow ochre color. It looks fabulous! We worked until about 8 pm, washed up, and had dinner. It was a long day!

After dinner, we packed up, and went to bed. Oh yeah - Sunday morning, we also spent some devotional time together, and read some more notes from friends. Elizabeth's made me cry, and Meredith's made Laurie cry. :)

Monday morning, we got an early start, and had breakfast. We checked out our work in the dining from from the night before and took photos. We finished packing up, called a taxi, and said our goodbyes. Hayastan's brother drove Laurie and I to the airport in his taxi. We checked in, and Hayruit stayed with us (such a juju!), and went through security - where they basically unpacked out bags - and then to our gate. I bought some Ararat apricot brandy at the duty free store (apparently, they're famous for it), and then Laurie and I used up our drams with a last cup of sourge.

On the plane, it was nice to have a row with only one other person in it - so we each had 1 1/2 seats. :) I was able to sleep a bit, which was nice. When we arrived, I said goodbye to the crew, and we went our separate ways - they went to Chicago, and I went through customs and onto London!

I got my bag at the carousel, changed some money, and then got a one week Oyster card, and took the Underground to Leicester Square, where I switched to the Northern Line, and got off at Warren Street, where Micha met me. We walked to the flat, and chatted for a couple hours. I kinda felt like a disciple at the Rabbi's feet. Micha's an amazing man, and it was so good to finally meet the last member of the Sarac family.

Olgica got home at 5:30, and we had a cup of tea, and talked. Nicholas got home around 6:15 pm, and we had dinner together. We talked for a bit longer, and then Nicholas took me all over London in his car. Really - everywhere! Oxford Circus, Piccadilly Circus, Leicester Square, Trafalgar Square, St. Pancras, King's Cross Station (where we stopped in to pose with the cart - Harry Potter style - at platform 9 3/4), Buckingham palace, Whitehall Street past Westminster Abbey/Parliament, Town Bridge (where we stopped to hang by the marina for a bit), Abbey Road (home of the Beatles), Nottinghill, past Harrod's, etc., etc. It was great. Then, we went home, and after a very long day, I slept.

This morning (after a good night's sleep), I got up, and had coffee with Olgica, and we had breakfast with Nicholas. Nick went to work, Olgica went to Oxford Circus for her work conference, and I got ready and set off for bus 24 (or 29), which I took to the National Gallery at Leicester Square. It was nice - great Degas, and van Gough - but pretty big. I finally got selective about what I was seeing.

Afterward, I sat in the square and ate the sandwich I'd brought, and then wandered down Whitehall Street. I stopped in briefly at the Calvary museum, and then made my way to Westminster Abbey, and sat in St. Margaret's church. Then, I went over to the Thames to view the London Eye. It was a beautiful day! I walked along the Thames for quite some time - up by King's College - to Holloway, and then hopped the Tube to Covent Garden.

I wandered the market, and then up to Neal Street for a sit at a Cafe (El Topo Cantina) (I really needed a break!), and here I've been writing. I think it's about time to head back to Olgica's!

(Note: Tuesday night, was fellowship group/Bible Study at the Sarac's - Very nice people!)

Well, the weekend flew by, and it was Beautiful outside! I went to the Botanic Gardens on Saturday morning, and I just kept having to stop and admire the diamond sparkles on the water, and the way the sunlight turned the leaves gold and ruby. It was fabulous.

Anyways, here's installment 4 of my Armenian adventures... ~c

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Armenia, October 24, 2009

So, yesterday was crazy...and kinda hard. In the morning we got up and had breakfast, and in our minds, everything was already running a1/2 hr. behind. Laurie and I wanted to leave for the market at 9:30 am, but we didn't get breakfast until them, so we left at 10:15, which as it turns out was okay, because the markets don't open until 1-. So, Hayastan, Lova, Hayruit, Laurie and I went to the clothes market in search of hats for the boys at the orphanage, and scarves for the girls. We found black knit "Puma" hats for the boys at about 650 dram, and then we opted for warm tights for the girls instead of scarves.

We got back around 11:30 (yeah - we're power shoppers), which is when we were supposed to leave for the orchard. We left around noon, and went to see the ARM orchard, which is pretty much out in the middle of nowhere, but Rozik really wanted us to see the progress they're making on the irrigation line, take pictures, and evaluate. They're doing good work putting in the pipe line, but it's all totally arid...it's gonna take a while until the land is ready to plant.

So, after that, we had to rush to get to the orphanage in time at 1:30 pm. We met with the director, and then played some haphazard games with the kids in an assembly, and gave them some gifts. The director is saving the warm weather gear for later in the year so nothing gets lost before it's cold. He was funny, and had Laurie write out a receipt to keep him accountable. After the assembly, we played with the kids for a while, but my heart just wasn't in it. [which may have been in part to the fact at least a couple of us have been having some rather serious intestinal problems since our arrival.]

When we got back to the ARM grounds, we had a big, late lunch...and cognac. Lova's own moonshine. We took at 1/2 hour break, and then went to work on the dining room. It's in bad shape. But, Jim was on a mission to accomplish something - and we did. We dusted, and washed the windows...but then we just pushed dirt around the floor "washing" it. I'm all bout working, but if it's totally inefficient, it's just frustrating to me - not productive. "Washing" this floor in the manner we were doing it, was the equivalent of picking up one pile of stones, rock by rock, and moving it 10 yards away - for no reason. It definitely got to me - but I stuck it out, and kept my mouth shut (a great feat in and of itself!). Anyways, Lova came in and played "the voice of reason", which was awesome, and timely. We cut off around 1- pm, and after talking a bit went to bed.

Now, I'm just hoping and praying that today will be productive in a good way!

Okay, back to the normal journal entries. ~c

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Armenia, October 23, 2009

Crazy day, and yet not super exhausting.

So, after seeing the big building (which really is ridiculously huge - even by American standards) - which is coming along nicely, and has incredible views and awesome stair cases - we sat down for a cup of sourge and prayed for a while. Which was really good. Then, we made lists of what we need to do and made a "plan" of sorts. Next, we went through the tool shed, and took an inventory, and made a list of supplies we need to various jobs on the ARM grounds.

We went to the hardware market (AKA "Home Depot Plaza") with Hayruit acting as chauffeur, and bought all the supplies. Oh! But wait! Before that, we met Laurie's Armenian teacher's sisters in the square outside the Marriott to give them some gifts from their sister in America. They were super sweet, and warm and friendly, and very excited. Okay - carrying on...After the Home Depot Plaza (where we got painting gear, found a really big crowbar!), and other tools), we went to the bookstore so Laurie could get language books.

Next, it was off the Yerevan orphanage, which took an hour to find. We were told it was called "Harvard" orphanage. So, that's what we were asking directions for - but we'd all been to this orphanage before, and knew that we were going the wrong way. Hayruit was super patient - a true juju - and awesome, and didn't just give up and say, "we're going home". So, eventually, when the rest of us where ready to give up and go home, Otto kept saying, "I think we're getting close - this looks right". And he was right! We saw the peak of the playground we'd built last time we were there and erupted in wild cheering and back slapping.

They received us with open arms, and smiles. The playground still looks good - no repairs needed. We'll need new swings, but that can wait. "Rich Blue", and "Mario" were there, and tomorrow, we're going back with gifts and icecream.

Tonight we had a great dinner, and now - Bed Time!

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I'll continue my Armenian Adventures on Monday - have a great weekend! ~c

This is a list I made about 1/2 way into the trip of amusing things I specifically "enjoyed" or wanted to remember about the trip:

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• "Enjoy" - Packaging on our dinner on the plane from London to Yerevan, that we got super loopy over, and lasted the duration of the trip.

• "Fresh as a Daisy" - Packaging on hand wipes from the plane to Yerevan - also strangely amusing to us.

• Water "oxygen inriched" - Packaging on a water bottle in Vanadzor.

• "Everywhere I go, I'm just looking for fluids" - Otto, as we were discussing what we "see" [Otto - the pump man, Jim - lighting, Steve - lawsuits, Laurie - efficiency, Christina - design].

• Nicknames at the Clinic:

1. Ruzanna: the staff played a joke on Ando when he started working, and told him to call Ruzanna, "Aunt Ruzanna". She didn't like that too much. ;)
   
2. Yevgine: the "Minister of Finance" (because she handles all the books).
   
3. Karina: "muk", Armenian for "mouse", 'cause she's so tiny, that Steve Kashian calls her muk.
   
4. Marietta: "Armageddon", because she's a hypochondriac and everywhere she goes, and every story she tells, it always ends bad. Example: Telling a story about beautiful flowers...but they were on a dead man's grave. Example 2: Traveling through the beautiful mountains, and seeing really cool bridges (that are admittedly rickety), and having Marietta call them "Satan's Bride".
   
5. Marietta AKA "Armageddon" AKA: "Pyro Granny" - before we found out the clinic staff called Mariette "Armageddon", we called her "Pyro Granny", because she was always making a burn pile whenever given the chance, and doing it with great glee.

• "Monica Seles" - While unloading potatoes from the truck, and more noticeably when bringing potatoes out to people's cars, Otto would let out a hefty "Monica Seles" style grunt, before being able to move on.

• "Jimmy Jan": "Jan", a term of endearment in Armenia, tacked onto the back of Jim Baney's name - also similar to the name of a "freaky fast" sandwich shop. :)

• "This is tasty", Laurie said to Lova. "She's tasty", Lova said of Hayastan.

• At Hagphat, Marietta was in a picture with Steve at the top of a set of stairs. While the photo was being taken, someone said something to Marietta, and she ran, fast as can be (very spry for a 61 year old) down the stairs, laughing and embarrassed. Apparently, someone said that Steve wanted to take her home to America. And, rumor has it, that someone also said they were taking a picture so we'd know where her band-aid was, for when she moved it. (Marietta always had a band-aid on some part of her face [but never the same part], which is part of her "Armageddon" complex).

• Harvard Orphanage = fiasco. We looked for "Harvard" orphanage for about an hour before actually finding it...and finding that Rozik told us the wrong name! So, we were asking everyone for the wrong place - no wonder they kept sending us in the wrong direction!

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Well, those were some funny moments (at least in my mind). I hope you "enjoy" them!
~c

I broke up my second journal entry, because it was so long. Here's the continuation. ~c

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Armenia, October 22, 2009

Wednesday, we went to the Vanadzor orphanage and did repairs on the playground. There were some rotten boards and planks there, just like at the clinic. I think we'll have to replace one of the main posts in a couple years (termites), but for now, I think it'll be okay.

We went back to the clinic for lunch, and the staff gave us each a box of chocolate and a scripture verse. It was so sweet. My verse was Philippians 4:13 - "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." I wish I had something to reciprocate with. It was so kind. I'll have to send gifts and photos through the mail for all the staff.

In the afternoon, we all piled into the van to go see Hagphat. And, I mean ALL of us! The staff too! We drove up through the mountains, and crazy tunnels under the mountains. It was a beautiful drive. Poor Steve and Otto were on the floor/luggage in the back of the van. They were good sports. The monetary is truly beautiful. So many buildings and so much history. I hope I got some good photos - despite the lighting. It was good to have a "play day"/"thank you" trip for us all to be on together.

On the way back to Vanadzor, I gave Otto a break and rode in the back - it was pretty bumpy. But, we made it! We stopped at a road-side restaurant for some famous Armenian barbecue (AKA Kebabs). We cracked some walnuts and then ate dinner. It was probably the best pork I've ever had. When it was about time to leave, I knew I'd have to visit a bathroom before sitting on the bumpy floor of the van again, but the outhouse was darker than dark, and right over a very rambunctious river. So, being unable to even see the hole in the floor, I opted out...and concentrated really hard on the bumpy ride to Vanadzor.

We stopped at Ruzanna's so she could get her things for Yerevan, and dropped off all the staff but Armageddon (story on her later). It was a bittersweet goodbye. We dropped off Mariette (AKA Armageddon), and drove to Yerevan. I was pretty sick on the ride back (headache/nausea), so I tried to sleep as much as I could with Arman's crazy driving (seriously, this guy tries to emulate NASCAR in a 15 passenger van with bald tires on mountain switchbacks!), and then crashed when we got back to the ARM grounds.

This morning, I woke up Laurie at 8, and we had breakfast with Steve in Lova and Hayastan's domik. At 9, Steve and Laurie headed off to the Airport with Hayruit to get Steve on the plane back to London, and then on with his family travels.

Now, I'm sitting here writing, and then we're going to see the "big building". :)

Just in case you're new to this blog, I just got back from Armenia and London, so I'm posting some of the Journal entries I made during my trip. ~c

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Armenia, October 23, 2009

So much has happened in the last few days! Monday, we had breakfast at the hotel (as we would for the next few mornings), and headed for the clinic at 10 am. We had a few quick minutes in between to pray and read letters from friends back home.

At the clinic, we started the day with sourge, and then worked on repairing the clinic playground. it had a few boards that had rotted out or broken, so we replaced them with stock from the new playground for Spitak, and also replaced a missing bar on the monkey bars. My main job was "floor board remover". Yevgine found us a little crowbar, about a foot long, and I used a large wrench as a hammer to pry the boards far enough from the brace for Jim to cut through the nail with the sawzaw. (In Armenia, necessity truly is the mother of invention!)

We had an amazingly huge lunch at the clinic and decided Tuesday would be the food distribution day, so the staff ordered all the food (for 200 people), and we ordered 7 metric tons of potatoes! (Yup, in Armenia, you can just call up the local potato farmer and say, "Yes, we'd like to order 7 metric tons of potatoes. When do we want them? Um...tomorrow. Alright, see you then!")

That evening we went to the Vanadzor orphanage and gifted soccer jerseys, decorated flip flops, pencil cases, and stuffed animals the kids. I was also able to give about 50 recorders a friend had donated, to the music teacher, who was pretty excited about them. It was a zoo! Barely controlled chaos! Our plan was to get photos of all the kids with their goodies - but there just weren't enough of us to distribute, and photograph - it was wild. But, we got it done, and it was good to see the kids. There were a lot of familiar faces (though older) from past trips.

Monday night, we went tot Yevgine's house for dinner. It was huge!!! (you'll notice this is a continuing/slightly painful theme)! It started with all the "usuals"...bread, lavash ( a large, flat, pita-like bread), cucumbers, tomatoes, cheese, a carrot/pepper salad, olives, etc....and beef stroganoff...didn't see that coming! Then, she brought our Entree #2 - chicken and potatoes. Then, she brought out Entree #3 - a mushroom and chicken "pizza" on a lavash crust. THEN, she brought out dessert - fresh fruit and pastries and chocolate with tea. The just about had to roll us home...but we managed to walk it.....barely. :)

Tuesday was "the Big day": Food Distribution.

We were waiting for the potatoes, so there wasn't much we could do. We ended up doing some "organizing" in the cellar (even though what we really need to do is build shelves down there). When the potatoes got in, we unloaded the truck (all 7 tons!), or more specifically, Laurie and I watched and photographed the guys unloading the truck. :) And then we started to bag the potatoes.

We got to play with the kids for a while, and they were awesome! I had SO much fun with them. I played a version of dodge ball with some of them for a while, and then we sat and went through the Armenian numbers (1-100), and then the whole Armenian alphabet, and then the English alphabet (sung. twice). Next, we started in on colors and body parts in Armenian and English, and worked our way onto clothing and things around the playground. It was definitely a highlight for me. I literally had to pry myself away from their strong little hands and run! through the gates to help with the potatoes!

Around 3 pm, the masses began to arrive, and poor Yevgine had to see them all, and exercise great discernment with the hungry families who weren't on the list, as well as those who were.
[Side Note: How the Food Distribution works, is that before we go to Armenia, we do fund raising specifically for this aspect of the ministry. Then, depending on how much money we raise (it takes $45 to feed a family) we order and distribute food. We're given a list of the most needy people in the are from the government, we call them, and then they come to the clinic with their passports which get checked against the list we've been given. If a family has 5 or more members, they're given extra food. The hard thing is, that word spreads, and so people who weren't called/aren't on the list come too - and that makes it really tricky. Who wants to turn away hungry people?!]

It was a crazy afternoon that extended well into the night (I think we ate dinner around 9). Here's a very direct evidence of God - we had just enough food for ALL the families who came! We were afraid we'd have to turn people away at the end of the day, but when it came down to it, we had exactly enough for each person who turned up, and I like to think that everyone went home happy, and blessed. It was a pretty awesome and incredible thing to be a part of. But, it was a long day.

I'm glad we could be there to support the staff during the craziness. In a lot of ways, the dread the food distribution, because people can be really spiteful and ungracious, and it's really hard on them. So, they were really glad we were there to be the "face" of the "generous Americans" who were providing food - that they depend upon - for them. Laurie was awesome (in a lot of ways), but especially because, as the day wore on, people were creeping farther and farther into the building (and we couldn't work around them, they had to stay outside the doors until they were called in), so Laurie had to work as "door guard", and literally put her arm across the door - bouncer style - to keep them back. But, she totally turned this into her favor, and was able to interact with a lot of people that we wouldn't ordinarily have been able to have individual time with, and she was able to interject a lot of humor into what could have been a super stressful situation. She was the hero of the hour! As was Yevgine - she was AMAZING! Seriously, seeing and negotiating with over 200 people in 6 hours - that woman has a lot of Grace!

When we got back to the hotel, we all congregated in Laurie and my's room to just sit and chat about the day. Cool people. I'm going to bed.

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Tune in tomorrow for installment 3!

I love traveling!

But somehow, this trip, I was actually ready to come home. I couldn't get to the airport fast enough, and the plane wasn't nearly as speedy as it should have been.

Perhaps it's because I haven't had a day to myself in a month (to the day, tomorrow). Or maybe because it's because it's funny being in a foreign town on a foreign content, and yet people still speak English, so basically, you might as well be home. Whatever the reason, I'm quite happy to be back, and with the prospect of a few hours to myself looming some time in the near future. And clean clothes. :)

Well, I kept a journal throughout my travels, and it's not extremely detailed - just an overview of my impressions. So, I think every day for the next week or so, I'm going to type up one of my journal entries on here, so you can get a feel for the what the past 2 weeks have held for me. I hope you like it.

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Armenia, October 18, 2009

Okay, so it's bee a few crazy days of traveling, and lots of time spent in various forms of transportation.

On the flight to London, we managed to have 1 too many checked luggage bags/boxes, but it all worked out fabulously, because Steve's bag was small enough to be a carry on - Praise Jesus! (and many thanks to guys for being light packers!)

I sat next to a cute British boy on the way to London, and he fell asleep on my shoulder while I watched the Terminator. And when we landed, the group of us were able to spend about 4 hours in London!

We took the Piccadilly Tube to Leicester Square and went to lunch at Pret A Manger ( a local chain, kinda like a Corner Bakery), and then roamed about Big Ben, Parliament, Westminster Abbey, through St. James' Park and to Buckingham Palace. We even saw the Queen! Well, Steve did - the rest of us were blocked out by the crowds - but they played a little fanfare on their trumpets and everything! It was just so...British!

On the flight to Yerevan, Laurie and I got a little loopy after being up for so long. The dinner packaging had the word "Enjoy" written all over it, and I happened to say "Enjoy!", and stick the seal up across the headrest in front of me, and we thought it was quite funny...in fact, we're still joking about it, probably will be for the rest of the trip.

We safely arrived in Yerevan, and fairly easily got through customs with some silver-tongued Armenian from Laurie. Then, Arman, and Lova were there to greet us (at 1:30 am) with a 15 passenger van, and a Mercedes, which took us to the ARM Grounds.

And then we slept. Yeah. :)

[Side Note: The door to our bathroom doesn't quite fit in the frame, so you have to lock it to keep it closed, but the lock doesn't really work all the great either, so Laurie locked herself in the bathroom...I was about to pull the anchors out of the hinges, when she finally got out...it was really funny.]

Later Saturday morning, we got up and Laurie and I took turns having sourge (Armenian coffee - so good!) with Hayastan (Lova's wife) and cleaning up. After that, and breakfast (with yummy home-made apricot jam), we sat in the sun for a bit, and I went back to bed. :)

Two hours later, we headed for Vernisage (the local flea market), and then to the Genocide Memorial, and Khor Verap (a church nestled in the shadows of Mount Ararat, where St. Gregory the Illuminator was held prisoner in a dungeon for 13 years). We found a random statue on a hillside to explore, and then went out for dinner in Yerevan.

Sunday, we got up at 7...or so I thought... Apparently, my clock was off by an hour, so I felt really bad that Laurie didn't get a shower (which she was really looking forward to). We loaded up the van with our luggage, and all took a sourge break. Then we picked up Dr. Ruzanna and Mary (Arman's daughter), and left for Vanadzor. We stopped at a bakery in Spitak on the way (which was AMAZING!), dropped Ruzanna off at the clinic, and got to church 1/2 hr late.

It was weird.

The building is huge and new and incredibly opulent. A stark contrast to its surroundings, and to what it used to be like. (When I'd visited on former trips, before the church building was completed, we met in a simple cinder block building with no windows, and old assembly room seating, and bare bulbs in the ceiling).

We had lunch at the clinic, checked out the new building (a building was given to ARM by the Armenian government - free of charge for 50 years - and it's right by the clinic...we're still trying to figure out how it's going to be used. A LOT of work needs to go into it...it's basically still just a frame), played with the kids at the playground, and had sourge Round 2.

We went to Arman's for dinner, and stuffed ourselves. Arman's Aunt is visiting them from Rome, and she made lasagna for dinner....but it was just the appetizer! We rolled ourselves to the "Govna's" Hotel (a little joke I have with Jim), and now we're going to bed. Yum...bed. :)

Well Folks, this is it. It's my last couple hours at work before the madness truly begins...

I'm not ready.

Which is odd, because usually, when I'm given the chance to get out
of the country, I'm ready to go at the drop of a hat - no problemo. So, it's pretty confusing to me that this time 'round I'm so anxious about the trip. I have so many things running through my head, it feels impossible to organize them all into coherent thought. Just writing out a packing list seems like the largest task in the world. Man, do I need some perspective. Geez!

So much has been happening lately, I feel pretty off center. I haven't really had any time to myself in weeks. Three out of the past four weekends I've been working at camp - which is just about my favorite thing to do in the world - but I'm tired. And I'm kinda stressed out by all that I need to accomplish in the next 24 hours. Oh, everything that needs to happen will, and everything I need to do will get done - it's just that I'm going to be running around like a chicken with my head cut off while doing it.

In my defense, it is pretty hard to pack for a missions trip - with work clothes, and 50 recorders (wind instruments) for the kids, plus gifts - AND for "vacation time" in London with friends - hip street clothes (right, like I have anything "hip" in my closet) for nights on the town, and strolling across the Millennium Bridge. Yup, it's not going to be easy. I'm going to have to get inventive in my clothing combos.

Lord - please make the room stop spinning and help me to focus. To focus on the important things, and to trust you. Please grant me peace and comfort as I find myself facing some unusual circumstances. Please bless all the many legs of our journeys - to London, and Armenia, and back again. Guide my interactions with others, and help me to set my heart and mind on you. Jesus, be the center. Be the place and the person in whom I find hope, and rest. Let the overflow of my heart impact those around me, and let your Name be glorified. Amen.

Wow. I can't believe how quickly time is flying by. I leave for Armenia in less than a week. And between now and then, I'll only be home for 3 days...phew - I've got a lot to accomplish in three days...

Our upcoming trip to Armenia has been fraught with changes from it's initial planning stages up until now.

It has morphed in Size and Players: from being a team of about 12 people, to being a team of 5.

It's morphed in Script: from going over to build a new playground and take part in a food and firewood distribution, to doing a random mishmash of things we're still not even sure of (but which may include painting at the ARM orphanage, programs for kids at different orphanages, repairs on past playgrounds we've built, etc).

And it's morphed in so many other ways. One of those ways is through tragedy: One of the ARM staff's sisters has become (perhaps) fatally ill, and we've certainly encouraged her to spend time with her family, and just taking care of herself in this time. But, she was also the person with whom 2 of us were going to be staying with, a translator, and the only one who could drive the ARM van. Please pray for her as she deals with all these additional pressures and sorrows in her life - that God would comfort her, and that we'd be an encouragement to her in her time of need. Pray too that we'd find reasonably priced taxi drivers, and that we'd have really great replacement translators.

Also, the reason we're not able to build a new playground this trip, is because our playground is still wrapped up in customs. So, please pray that the playground would be passed through customs very quickly, without any problems, and that everything would go smoothly, so the next team who goes to Armenia is able to build it.

Personally, as I prepare for this trip, I definitely need prayer that I would have the right heart and the right spirit going into this. And that I'd just get everything pulled together in the short time before I leave.

And while I've got you praying - this weekend, I'll be back at Timber-lee to help with our annual Mother/Daughter Retreat. I'm really looking forward to it (it always ministers to me as much as our guests to be up there and participate in the weekends), and I would love your prayers for safety for our guests as they travel, and are at camp; that they'd have a wonderful time with each other, and that they'd really be able to meet God this weekend. Pray for our speaker - Molly Sanborn, and our worship leader - Bethany Arndt, and for all the various activities and personal interactions that will take place this weekend.

Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to be a part of so many wonderful things. Be glorified!

I really haven't moved very much in my life. I moved to college in Indiana when I was 18, I spent a semester studying abroad in Lithuania my senior year, moved back to Indiana, and when I graduated, I moved back home to Chicago with the intention of returning to Indiana for a job that would begin in December, which later fell through. Now, I live in the same house that I've lived in since I was 2 years old and in the same room I've lived in since I was 12, with the same people I've lived with since I was born.

Not a whole lot has changed. In fact, at 27, I pretty much feel like I'm back in high school. I'm living in my old room. I don't have a car, so I have to ask to borrow my Dad's. My Mom's always giving me 20 Questions: "Where are you going?", "Who are you going with?", What are you doing?", "What time do you think you'll get home?". Or calling me at work to tell me she might not be home in time to cook dinner. Dang. You mean, I might have a few minutes of peace? (dripping with sarcasm)

As much as I know that they only ask questions because they love me and they want to know what's going on in my life, I need (and have always needed) a certain amount of space. And that amount is "a lot". Which I have never received when living at home. Yeah, I guess that's pretty typical in most families...but I definitely feel like I'm past that point. I'm a couple years from 30, and still in the living situation of a 16 year old. Which really grates on my independent spirit.

Actually, it's incredibly ironic (and tragic) that out of us 3 siblings, I'm the child still living at home. (Okay, Ricky lives at home, but he's 19, and is pretty okay with it). I was always the one who was itching to get out of the house, live on my own, see the world, be a successful career woman... And here I am, eating family dinner, and retiring to my room where I try to avoid remembering that I live at home, and then go to sleep in the same twin bed that I've been sleeping in for the past 15 years. Weird. Strange. Sad. Don't get me wrong - I love my family. I just love them much, much better from a distance.

Yup, I'm Stuck.

You're probably wondering, "why doesn't she just move out?". And I'll tell you - Chicago is a very expensive city to live in. And I have a lot of very pricey school loans (which were not really worth it), and a not very well paying job (yet more evidence that it was not really worth it). So, living rent-free is a very nice option. If I could put what I pay in loans bills every month into an apartment, I'd have some pretty sweet digs. But as it is, I feel incredibly burdened to get rid of my loan-burdens as quickly as possible. Even if it means not living the way I thought I'd be living right now. And living with my family. And answering 20 Questions. And borrowing a car.

But, the main reason I keep staying "stuck" where I'm at, is because what I keep hearing from God is: "wait".

I gotta tell you - I really don't like this word -

"wait".

It definitely cramps my style. But, like I've been talking about in blogs past - "God's time is the right time".

So, I'll wait. Oh, I'll have my moments of frustration, and doubt. And I'll have moments when I want to tear my hair out and run as fast as possible from my parent's Bungalow. But, I'll wait. Because the rewards of obeying God and waiting far outweighs a future of my own making.

It never ceases to amaze me how I am always provided for. All of my basic needs are always met. I have never experienced having a "true need" - something I just couldn't live without: water, food, shelter, etc. Which is completely amazing considering that the majority of the world's population have serious needs.

According to the hunger report, 1.4 billion people live in extreme poverty http://www.hungerreport.org/2009/mdgs/35. It's almost unimaginable. And it makes me realize how incredibly wealthy I am (though by American Standards, I'm on the low end of the $ train). The Lord is so amazing at providing for all my needs, and well beyond them.

I had an incredible reminder of this today...

I've been fund-raising for a mission trip to Armenia that's coming up this October, and just praying that God will provide all the money needed for the trip. I sent out support letters in August, and this Sunday, I'm presenting information about the trip at my church to raise awareness and, hopefully some support. [Background: This is my third trip to Armenia with the Armenian Relief Mission: armrelief.org. On this trip we'll be doing a food and firewood distribution for some of the most poverty stricken people of Vanadzor, Armenia; doing repair work on past playgrounds we've built, and working at the ARM orphanage in Yerevan].

The cost for the trip is $2,500, and as of this past week, I had raised $1,500. We're leaving on October 15th, so I've definitely been having "questioning moments" about whether all the money I need will be raised. And yet, more than either of the other two trips I've been on, I feel incredibly led to be on this one. So, I just have to have faith that God will provide...

And He has...

...in a BIG way. This morning, I got an e-mail informing me that a $1,000 donation was made toward my trip. Wow. wow. And it's from a very dear friend of mine. And I sat at my desk, and cried.

Thank you, Lord, for your provision. Thank you for going above and beyond all my needs. Never let me forget just how blessed I am. Jehova Jireh, grant me a givers heart, that others may be blessed as you have blessed me.

I've been thinking about time a lot lately...

About how I allow myself to be bound by time, and the cultural norms associated with time. You know: graduate college, get a job, work in a successful career, be living on your own with certain possessions, get married, have kids...this pattern that our American society sets for us.

I don't like it.

And I don't like the pressure that I place on myself to be at a certain place in life at certain times. Especially as I have so many wonderful friends who are older/more successful than myself, or were blessed with finding their soul mates at an early age. I tend to weigh my own success against where they're at in life. And that's not a good thing to do. And really, it's not a sensible thing to do either. We're all different.

I realize that I can't be bound by cultural time.

I need to tune into God Time.

He's been placing this on my heart more and more lately. And I just have to realize, that "I'm not normal". (quiet in the peanut gallery). I've never been overly concerned with getting married, having kids, or my biological tick tock... I want those things eventually, but I really can't place them on a time-line. Fortunately, I'm blessed to have a family that doesn't place pressure on me to be dating, or make rude comments about how I'm not getting any younger.

The truth is - I love living outside the norms. I love the freedom of not being bound to time; and I'm trying to break even more free from time-constraints on my life as a whole. I think God likes to live in the unexpected. He loves to surprise us with good things when we least expect them! And I know that I just need to rest in the promise of Jeremiah 29:11:

Sometimes I have a hard time believing that...but in my heart, I know it's true. God has amazing things in store for me...for you...for us... And who am I to say when those things should happen?

Is time on my side? I don't know. But I know that the Maker of Time is on my side. And that's good enough for me. That's a peace and a promise that I can rest in. Can you?

It was a good weekend. So full. So brimming with life. So satisfying.

Last night I took myself out for a bowl of soup at Panera, and wrote out a list of "Good Things" from this weekend. And it follows:

*camp *driving *gorgeous weather *friends *good conversations *morning coffee * Jake Brothers Band *Jason Raitz * kids singing "Don't Stop Believing" while canoeing across the lake * laying on the dock watching the sunset and making water ripples * scratching behind the cow's ears * the blacksmith shop * incredible worship * happiness * crazy love * productivity/doing * goofy Jason stories * sharing life * stars...lots of stars * hayrides * wearing a beanie * laughing * singing * the beginning of fall colors * snakes * awesome youth leaders * Green House * Laura Paxon * prayer...lots of prayer * redemption * hope * transformation * more prayer * more worship * accountability *truth * acceptance * affirmation * more love *peace.

So, now I feel very filled, and I just want to revel in the feeling of "goodness". My prayer is that this is just a time of goodness for goodness sake, and not because God's building me up for some crazy (bad) stuff ahead. Lord, relieve that fear in me, and help me to know that no matter what comes next, you're still in control, and it's all part of your plan. You are Good.