Life at T-lee
It's so nice to have a morning off...
I've finally figured out that I need to balance my time here at camp, and not work 70+ hour weeks, and that it's completely possible to get the hours under control. (sigh of relief) This week, I've been doing an every-other-day schedule of 8 am - 7 pm (ish), and 11 am/12 noon - 9 pm ish. I think it's working pretty well; I love having a couple mornings a week to sleep in a bit and get stuff done around the house. Often when I get home from work, I just don't have the oomph to keep going and get tasks done. But, in the morning - no problemmo. It's also helping me with my task management. I found that I was having too much time at work, and didn't know how to fill it, but still felt like I needed to be there. Now, since I have a fairly definite start and end time, I have to get my To Do list done within a certain period of time, and that's a good productivity motivator for me.
The one element that makes this all especially difficult is living on camp-grounds. It's so difficult to separate myself from work when I never really leave. And when I'm "off", I feel kinda house-bound...because if I go outside past my porch, I'll inevitably run into someone who will need my help or want to talk with me about work-related items. And all I want is some peace...and distance from work. I'm not sure how Chris, Andy and Dave do it. It's definitely not easy. Of course, they have vehicles.
Speaking of vehicles - I saw a sweet Subaru Forester for sale the other day. I was out with my friend Kara and stopped to take a look. It's a '99, and going for $4,000 - definitely more that I want to spend, but it's so tempting. I called about it last night, and left a message. But, this morning after spending some time on Design*Sponge, I'm really missing Adobe, and the ability to create digital art. So, the question arises, "would I rather spend $4,000 on a car, and have to wait years to get a computer and software, or would I rather spend $1,500 on an okay car, and be able to buy a computer and software sooner?". I don't know, I'm just asking God for wisdom, and thinking that I probably won't be buying a car this week.
So, the past couple weeks have had some pretty interesting/hard moments to them. Two weeks ago, Dad was in the hospital with kidney stones and a ruptured L4. Last week, I was having absolutely incredible tooth pain - which was miraculously healed by God. Yes, I stand by that - He's the Great Healer! And this week, I may have to fire someone, and feel like I'm always putting out fires everywhere I go - and I haven't even started planning for the fall retreats that are just around the corner. Or for the camps that are right around the corner for that matter! Yikes! I need to get crackin'.
I have to keep reminding myself that overall, the summer looks really good. People are pretty happy, departments are running well, and the kids are having a great time, and getting to know Jesus. It's hard to keep the big picture in mind, when I'm so focused on the details. I keep telling myself that I know I'm supposed to be here, so everything will work out according to God's plan.
That said, every once in a while I think about the fall - when my contract ends - and wonder where I'll be/what I'll be doing... I get so frustrated with myself, wondering if I'll ever be 100% happy with where I'm at while I'm there. Right now, I have no idea what I want to happen in the fall. Do I want to stay here if it's an option? If it's not an option, where will I go? What will I do? Will I run home with my tail between my legs? Will I road trip semi-permanently to Montana, and live in a tent outside my brothers' house? Will I be able to find a job? Will my loans go into default?
I don't know the answers to all the questions. But, I do know that I have a faith in God that will carry me a very long way. He'll take care of me, He has a plan, and worrying about tomorrow will get me no where. So, I'll worry about today. Because each day has enough trouble of its own.
