The Harvest
Ah, Autumn...my favorite time of year...the colors of the trees are changing, the days and nights are getting crisper, there are crunchy leaves on the ground. The sky resorts to gorgeous shads of deep blue and gray... Harvest is going in full swing, there are so many good smells in the air. And did I mention the colors! (I love the colors!) It's been beautiful living by the lake. Every once in a while I have a moment where I look around at where I've taken up residence, and think, "I live here". In this place where people come to vacation - to get away from their busy life, and enjoy each other - that's where I live.
So, the reality of my work situation hasn't changed all that much since my last post. I still work in an office, doing administrative things behind a desk 40+ hours a week. But, there's been a big change in the last couple months - people. I don't know what switch flipped, but I'm so glad it did. One day I was the "new girl", and on the outskirts of Camp Family-society, and the next day, I was apparently "in". I have no idea what prompted the change - all I know is that I'm grateful to be "on the inside". It sucks being on the outside - isolated, lonely, alone...and whatever other adjective you want to use for being completely cut off from regular human interaction. Because that's what those first several months felt like here.
Now, I'm beginning to get to know people. Doors are being opened, conversations are starting, and I feel like I may actually be making friends again. It's been a long time since I've felt like I needed to put the effort into making friends. So, I think this is a good thing. I'm opening up - I'm being more willing to put myself out there and be hurt....OR to discover that there really are good people out there. Maybe they won't be my best friends...but who knows - maybe they will be!
The point is, that something in me is healing and letting go. The fact that I'm okay being vulnerable again says a lot. It says that I'm okay with where I'm at (in my person, if not physically). It says that instead of being in protective mode, I'm willing to take some risks. It says that I'm growing, and more willing to pour into others, fully knowing that I may not get anything back. And in all of this, I feel like I'm learning how to achieve a balance that can only come with age and experience.
A part of me still wrestles with whether I want to put anything into these relationships, because it means that I have something to lose if/when I leave. But, I know that I must have community in my life, or it's not worth living. So, if/when the wrench of leaving people I love comes, it will be bitter sweet. But, I'd rather it have that slight taste of bitterness in leaving, than in staying.
So, thank you, Lord. Thank you for working in my heart and in my life. Thank you for answering prayer and providing people to be part of a community with. Please continue to work in my life, and grow these seeds however you see fit.
