dream outloud

What story are you telling? from Rhetorik Creative on Vimeo.
http://www.amazon.com/Million-Miles-Thousand-Years-Learned/dp/1400202981/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1299514898&sr=8-1

These past few months have been an absolute whirlwind. To break it down:

• May 1, 2010 - move to East Troy, WI from Chicago for job as Interim Assistant Director of Youth Ministry at Timber-lee Christian Center.
• October 12, 2010 - Wrap up Mother/Daughter retreat at Timber-lee, and start packing - apparently my work here is done.
• October 17, 2010 - Move from Timber-lee to (my incredibly generous friends') the Skibba's home in Elkhorn, WI.
• Spend 3.5 months looking for a job, and wondering what in the world God is doing.
• January 15, 2011 - See ad for job as Conference Assistant in the bulletin at Saturday Community.
• January 16, 2011 - Sunday, the library is closed.
• January 17, 2011 - Call Joel (who works at LGCC), and ask him about job/if he thinks he'd be ok working with me. Send in resume and cover letter
• January 18, 2011 - Call Brad to follow up - leave a message.
• January 19, 2011 - Brad calls to schedule an interview for the next day.
• January 20, 2011 - Interview. It goes well.
• January 21, 2011 - Brad calls to ask for references.
• January 22, 2011 - I send references.
• January 25, 2011 - Brad asks me in for another interview.
• January 26, 2011 - 2nd Interview - Brad offers me the job. I accept
• January 28, 2011 - 1st Day on the job at LGCC
• January 31 - First week of work at LGCC, I live in Willows 3-4 for two weeks
• February 8 - Jessica moves out of Timbers, I'm now free to move in.
• February 10 - Joel helps me move stuff from Timber-lee to Timbers
• February 12 - I move most of my stuff from the Skibbas (still living in Willows)
• February 13 - Joel and I move the rest of my stuff from the Skibbas. Note - he great at backing up a trailer. :) I spend my first night (amidst the boxes) at Timbers.
• February 14 - Now - Slowly settling into Timbers, beginning to make it feel like home.
• February 26 - Parents come up to visit. Go out for a Birthday Dinner.
• February 28 - My Birthday! It wasn't a very good one.

Today - March 1, 2011 - I am lonely, and alone. Living in the middle of a camp, but completely isolated; cut off from the rest of the world.

I don't know what's up with all these highs and lows. God's doing something here, and I think I'm under attack. Yesterday was so hard. Few people acknowledged that it was my birthday, which is not something that I would normally dwell on, but it just emphasized how alone and unknown I am. And it was easy to feel sorry for myself, even amidst a large group of people.

Camp Family life is hard to integrate into. I know I've only been here for a month. But, I think it's kind of sad that the only person I really know here is Joel, and that's because we've known each other for 6 years. Becoming a part of the family will take time. I know that. But the meantime is really lousy, and I have to be very careful not to sink into that darkness.

The Lord has been protecting me in many ways, but even the smallest things seem so huge right now. I've been through so many moves and transitions that sometimes I wake up at night and don't know where I am. So lost. My job at LGCC is permanent for pretty much as long as I'd like it to be, but I can't help feeling unsettled...I haven't stayed anywhere for longer than a few months for the past year. It leaves me thinking that I'm going to have to pack up and move again in a couple months. It's taking a huge effort to put down roots. I want to paint my apartment, but it seems an almost foolish investment to part of my mind - because who knows how long I'll be around to enjoy it...

Lord, please don't let me become bitter in my loneliness. In my isolation. Provide me with community, and help me to find my rest - my home - in you. You are my rock, my refuge and my strength. Give me the grace, the patience, and the tenacity to work hard and pull through this time of transition and isolation. Grant me the self-control and discipline to keep my eyes set on you - to keep running this race, and not get tangled in the web of my own thoughts and selfishness.

Lead on, Lord.