dream outloud

These past few months have been an absolute whirlwind. To break it down:

• May 1, 2010 - move to East Troy, WI from Chicago for job as Interim Assistant Director of Youth Ministry at Timber-lee Christian Center.
• October 12, 2010 - Wrap up Mother/Daughter retreat at Timber-lee, and start packing - apparently my work here is done.
• October 17, 2010 - Move from Timber-lee to (my incredibly generous friends') the Skibba's home in Elkhorn, WI.
• Spend 3.5 months looking for a job, and wondering what in the world God is doing.
• January 15, 2011 - See ad for job as Conference Assistant in the bulletin at Saturday Community.
• January 16, 2011 - Sunday, the library is closed.
• January 17, 2011 - Call Joel (who works at LGCC), and ask him about job/if he thinks he'd be ok working with me. Send in resume and cover letter
• January 18, 2011 - Call Brad to follow up - leave a message.
• January 19, 2011 - Brad calls to schedule an interview for the next day.
• January 20, 2011 - Interview. It goes well.
• January 21, 2011 - Brad calls to ask for references.
• January 22, 2011 - I send references.
• January 25, 2011 - Brad asks me in for another interview.
• January 26, 2011 - 2nd Interview - Brad offers me the job. I accept
• January 28, 2011 - 1st Day on the job at LGCC
• January 31 - First week of work at LGCC, I live in Willows 3-4 for two weeks
• February 8 - Jessica moves out of Timbers, I'm now free to move in.
• February 10 - Joel helps me move stuff from Timber-lee to Timbers
• February 12 - I move most of my stuff from the Skibbas (still living in Willows)
• February 13 - Joel and I move the rest of my stuff from the Skibbas. Note - he great at backing up a trailer. :) I spend my first night (amidst the boxes) at Timbers.
• February 14 - Now - Slowly settling into Timbers, beginning to make it feel like home.
• February 26 - Parents come up to visit. Go out for a Birthday Dinner.
• February 28 - My Birthday! It wasn't a very good one.

Today - March 1, 2011 - I am lonely, and alone. Living in the middle of a camp, but completely isolated; cut off from the rest of the world.

I don't know what's up with all these highs and lows. God's doing something here, and I think I'm under attack. Yesterday was so hard. Few people acknowledged that it was my birthday, which is not something that I would normally dwell on, but it just emphasized how alone and unknown I am. And it was easy to feel sorry for myself, even amidst a large group of people.

Camp Family life is hard to integrate into. I know I've only been here for a month. But, I think it's kind of sad that the only person I really know here is Joel, and that's because we've known each other for 6 years. Becoming a part of the family will take time. I know that. But the meantime is really lousy, and I have to be very careful not to sink into that darkness.

The Lord has been protecting me in many ways, but even the smallest things seem so huge right now. I've been through so many moves and transitions that sometimes I wake up at night and don't know where I am. So lost. My job at LGCC is permanent for pretty much as long as I'd like it to be, but I can't help feeling unsettled...I haven't stayed anywhere for longer than a few months for the past year. It leaves me thinking that I'm going to have to pack up and move again in a couple months. It's taking a huge effort to put down roots. I want to paint my apartment, but it seems an almost foolish investment to part of my mind - because who knows how long I'll be around to enjoy it...

Lord, please don't let me become bitter in my loneliness. In my isolation. Provide me with community, and help me to find my rest - my home - in you. You are my rock, my refuge and my strength. Give me the grace, the patience, and the tenacity to work hard and pull through this time of transition and isolation. Grant me the self-control and discipline to keep my eyes set on you - to keep running this race, and not get tangled in the web of my own thoughts and selfishness.

Lead on, Lord.

The joy bubbling up in my heart, and through my laughter as a plowed through knee deep snow to work this morning is due in large part to the Incredible Beauty of creation right now!

Yesterday, the snow began, and it fell and blew in earnest all night.  This morning, I awoke to a winter wonderland ripe for play - and just in time for Arctic Blast this weekend.  The kids are going to love it!  The drifts are at least 3.5 feet tall, and any stairs around camp have completely disappeared into a white slope.  This is a snowshoers delight.  I love it.  The trees are dripping with snow frosting, and every once in a while the world will fade away in a white out of blowing flakes.

Lord, you are amazing.  Thank you for the beauty and the fierceness of your creation.  Thank you for a day to play, and a beautiful place to play in.  You are Good!

Hebrews 10:38-39 says, "'But my righteous one will live by faith.  And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.'  But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved."

Psalm 27:13-14 says, "I am still confident of this:  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

2 Corinthians 1:5-6 reminds us that, "For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.  If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer."

So, it would seem suffering brings us closer to Christ - or closer to an understanding of Christ - and in Him we can also gather comfort - all of which produces Patient Endurance.  Is Patient Endurance synonymous with Waiting?  I suppose it's at least in the same family as both Patient Endurance and Waiting take Faith.  And also produce Faith.  Whoa.  Okay, I'm making my head spin - in a good way...

Well, there aren't any profound answers in here, but there is a lot of truth - something the Bible is really excellent for.  I'll leave you with one of my favoraite passages:

Ephesians 3:14-21 "For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom His whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name.  I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowlege - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.  Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations for ever and ever!  Amen!"

Wow - so much has happened in the last 3 weeks.  It's hard to even process all that I've done.

My favorite part of the weekend, was night canoeing on Saturday night.  I wasn't sure how it would turn out, but it ended up being pretty awesome (i.e. no one dumped).  We set up a huge campfire, and made rockin' s'mores with every kind of "filling" you could think of.  We made snicker's s'mores, and reese's s'mores, and white chocolate s'mores, and milky way s'mores...it was pretty great, and the kids loved it.  There was a youth group from New Hope Community in Shorewood, IL, and they were awesome.  It was so great to hang out with them - they totally reminded me of my high school youth group.

Yesterday, the remainder of my staff left, leaving me with a mixed sense of elation, and guilt at that sense of freedom.  On one hand, it's absolutely wonderful to not be directly responsible for the well-being of anyone on grounds; it's great being able to focus on completing all the planning phases of the upcoming retreats without worrying whether my staff are getting a meal that night or not; and it's amazing not having to "rally the troops" to do jobs that they don't really want to do.  On the other hand, I had a fabulous staff - they were willing workers - for the most part - they got along great, and they were just a lot of fun (when I wasn't pulling my hair out).  So, it's a mixed bag, but being able to sleep in until 8:30 am today, was definitely worth it - even if I did have to work the waterfront from 10 pm - noon.  :)

Here's a quick run down on the last few weeks - it's been a whirlwind for sure!
Two week ago, Urban Campers arrived for 5 days of camp.  It's quite different from our regular summer camp, in that our involvement as staff is minimal - it's planned and executed by a committee, and campers come up with their church groups who provide their "counselors" for the week.  So, we pretty much just end up running waterfront, slip n' slides, a few games, and helping out with archery and tower when needed - they even cut out Acorns this year.  So, our work was fairly minimal, but loosing that camper interaction is a little hard for a lot of my staff - they really like to hang out with the kids, and the Urban Camp staff would prefer that we just "mind our own business".  (Which is funny, because interacting with campers is our business).  Anyways, it was a good week, and especially so because on Wednesday night, I was able to go up with part of the Adventure team to run raft support on the Wolf river for an adventure trip that was out!

Jason, Kara, Kurt, Hannah and I headed out to the Wolf at about 5 pm Wednesday night, stopping at REI and Q'doba along the way (Yay!), and ended up pulling in to the campground around 9:30 pm.  It was a fun road trip - lots of singing of country songs, a little Jim Gaffigan, and lots of "my tractor" sightings, and a beautiful sunset.  We sat around the campfire with the Adventure leads for an hour or so before pitching camp.

Thursday morning, we left for the river at about 8:30 am.  We got to Ralph's around 9 am, Ryan gave the river talk, and we all hopped in the bus to go to the head water.  I rafted with Jason (who's a great guide), and it was a LOT of fun!  I seriously wish that guiding those trips was a part of my job.  The kids were great, the day was beautiful, the water was perfect, the rapids were excellent...it was a good day.  Jason and I usually paved the way, and then eddied out after rapids to stop on the shore and take photos of the rest of the rafts as they ran the rapids.  It was pretty sweet - I got some great photos.  :)  We were on the river for about 8 hours, and after we'd shot Big Smokey, we returned the rafts, and then went back to the fall to go under it - that was pretty sweet, but the current was wicked!  There were some white water kayakers who kept hauling their boats up tot he top of the fall and going back down - I don't blame them - if the rafts weren't so dang heavy, I would have too!

Needless to say, after a day of that caliber of paddling, and the unforgiving sun beat down on us, I was whooped!  We ended up sticking around Ralph's for a while waiting for one of our vans to get back - which was kinda nice - to just sit on the bridge and listen to the water.  We went back to the camp ground, changed, said our good byes and hit the road.  We stopped for dinner along the river, and then made our way back to camp.  It was a late night.  Jason drove (bless his heart!), and the rest of us totally zonked out.  At one point, Jay had to pull over at a gas station and take a cat nap to make it home.  (I totally respect a man who knows his limits!)  He said he looked back at us when he pulled in, and we were all heads back, mouths open, dead to the world.  And I believe it.  We got back to camp around 2 am, and I had to be up at 6 am to prep for....something...I can't even remember what now.  So, it was a short night, and a full day - but completely worth it!

Sunday, Burn Camp began.  Our roll during Burn Camp was even more minimal that Urban Camp.  We ran waterfront, slip n' slides and Acorns.  And did TONS of projects all week.  It was wild - but we got it all done.  Like I said, I had a great staff!  There were definitely times where I saw their spirits waning - we were doing things like "grooming the corn maze" and "hay", so it was pretty exhausting - but there were troopers.  I tried to do some fun things for them...Tuesday, we had a Leathershop time during the day, Wednesday, we had a waterfront time, Thursday, I had a BBQ for them at the beach, and Friday I took a van-full of staff to Gus's for icecream - that was a LOT of fun.  :)  And yesterday, after everyone was checked out of their rooms, we cleaned up and put away the slip n' slide, and said our goodbyes.  And then I took a nap.

Saturday night, I went to church - which was so great - I hadn't been in weeks.  It was good to see friends, have some time in worship and hear from the Word.  Then, Melissa, Jamison and I went out for dinner at Potbelly's.  It was good to sit and talk with a friend for a while.  I went to bed at 9 pm, and that brings you up to speed!

Today, after working the waterfront, I went back to my house, had a nice conversation with Kara, made BLTs, took a shower, took a nap, and then headed to Lake Geneva.  (the plan was REI, but I couldn't get out the door fast enough).  I think there's a water show going on at the lake, but it's super crowded, so I've opted for Starbucks, and here I am...sipping a latte and enjoying Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong.

Next week should be pretty nice.  Chris told me to "take it easy", so I'm working 4 hours a day.  Tuesday through Thursday, I'm going with Kara and a couple other girls to Pictured Rocks in Michigan for some camping and hiking - it looks beautiful!  AND, my friend Kellie just teased me with an "are you interested in Boundary Waters next weekend?" to which I say, "YES!".  So - good things on the horizon.  I can't wait to get some quality time with these ladies!

Sianara for now!

Whoa!  Today was the last day of Summer Camp.  The last campers have packed up with their parents and gone home.  The last blobs have been blobbed, and the last game of dodgeball has been played.  The "Sobfest" is over, and all the counselors and some support staff have gone home after creating a fantastic summer camp experience for hundreds of kids.

So what happens now?  Now come Urban Camp and Burn Camp.  They're not officially Summer Camp, as they're not run by the Timber-lee program team, but they're weeks of camp none the less. Which means that I still have most of my staff here, which is awesome!!!  So, we have off until 2 pm tomorrow when we'll reconvene, to discuss the coming week.  It's gonna be pretty chill...despite the fact that almost 400 guests will be here.  Our responsibilities are relatively few:  running the craft shop, waterfront, archery, belaying at tower, and manning the slip n' slide; helping out with a rodeo and a carnival, and completing lots of "end of summer projects".  It should be a good couple weeks - lots of bonding as a group.

Then, (da-da-DA!) I'm done with summer camp!  Crazy!  I think it'll be a little bitter-sweet, but I'm definitely looking forward to having a break, and not working 60-80 hrs a week.  Ahhh....  However, I will have to start planning in earnest for Jumpstart and the Mother/Daughter retreat.  That should be fun, but I'm having a hard time thinking about it right now.

So, I guess I'll just update you on the rest of my day off earlier this week.  I did talk to my Alterra "friends".  They were using some amazingly awesome looking brewing equipment, so I stopped by the counter to ask about them, and to ask if they gave tours. "No" to the tours, but the brewing gadgets were awesome!  They looked like crazy lab equipment, but apparently they brew great, because they create a vacuum with exerts more pressure on the grounds, which extracts more flavor from the coffee.  Sweet, right?!  Anyways, we talked "coffee" for a while - the Roaster was really awesome, and super friendly/knowledgeable - I asked where I should go in Milwaukee.  He thought about it for a bit, and then told me I should go to Brady Street.  I guess it's a pretty hip spot in Milwaukee.  I said my "thank you's" , and headed out into Milwaukee. 

I parked on Brady Street, and wandered around for a while - in and out of stores - and I may have walked down to Alterra by the Lake for another chai... ;)  I wandered back up Brady Street to where I was parked, popped another quarter in the meter and walked the opposite direction.  It was OK.  Really, it was just nice to walk around for a bit, do some people watching, and just enjoy being outside.  After I'd wandered for a bit longer, I hopped back in the car, and headed towards the 3rd Ward, which I heard was the "historic district" in Milwaukee.  I meandered my way over there, saw an Anthropologie and parked (cause that's a sweet store!). 

I really like the 3rd Ward!  It's beautiful!  The architecture is wonderful - lots of retail stores have revamped and occupied old factory buildings, it's beautifully landscaped with wide boulevards, and just beautifully planned.  I'd definitely like to return and wander some more. 

After I'd had my fill of walking, I decided I'd better hit the road before rush hour.  So, I drove back to Mukwonago, where I stopped for gas, and then did laundry.  I still wasn't quite ready to return to camp after doing laundry, so I decided that a trip to Lake Geneva was in order.  When I got there, I texted Ruth and asked if she'd be interested in meeting up for coffee, and she was!  That day just got better and better!  So, I sat on a bench by the lake for a while, read my Bible and Journaled, and then made my way over to Caribou.  (3 coffee shops in 1 day!)  Ruth I talked with Liz (who was working) for a while, then sat down with our coffee, and talked for 2 hours.  It was a really great end to a really great day.  I didn't get home until 11, and had to be at work by 8 am, but it was totally worth it.  :)

Tonight, after everyone left, I went home, and crocheted for a bit, but decided it was too beautiful out to be inside.  So, I grabbed my fishing pole, and went down to the lake.  (Dad would be proud).  I brought my night crawlers with me, and fished with them on orange and neon yellow jigs for a bit, and caught a smallish bluegill, and a couple small Northerns.  Then, I switched it up for a while and threw a huge orange and neon yellow double-hooked popper on.  I missed my first two hits - but that lure was hit hard!  I'm pretty sure they were big Northers.  However, I did catch a HUGE bluegill.  It was a great fighter, and really fun to bring in.  I decided to keep it and have it for dinner.  After a few more casts, and a couple more glances at the remains of a spectacular sunset, I decided to head in.

At home, I attempted to fillet the fish with a very dull fillet knife.  I haven't filleted a fish in years!  But, I did an OK job.  I'll have to ask a friend to sharpen my knife for me.  I'm pretty sure Mark or Kurt will do it for me at the shop.  Then, next time, I'll ask for a tutorial.  But, I'm relatively happy with my results.  I coated the fillets in flour with salt and pepper and fried them up, and they were delicious!  Man, I love fresh bluegill.  Downfall:  my house, and hands smell like fish.  Oh well...it'll go away eventually.  But, I may be having extra visits from the raccoons tonight!

Thank you, Lord for a great summer, and a great evening of fishing in your beautiful world!

Enter week 8 - the last week of regular summer camp at Timber-lee.  Enter a somewhat exhausted Christina who needs a break pretty badly, yet is still enjoying camp and all that it entails.

Saturday, I was supposed to go skydiving.  Yup, I've always wanted to go skydiving - experience the free-fall, and freedom of it all...flying through the air like a bird before soaring to the ground suspended by a parachute.  But, it didn't work out quite the way that I was expecting...

You see, the guys who planned the skydiving adventure are my health office staff.  They had found someone to cover for them while they were gone so there would be an emergency contact, but he fell through at the last minute.  Since they had planned the whole thing, I didn't want one of them to not be able to go.  So, being the amazing boss that I am, I told them that I would stay and cover for them so they'd be able to dive.  They'd be back between 6 and 7 pm.  I didn't mind...really.  OK, I still really wanted to go -  but honestly, I'd been craving a day at home to get stuff done anyways.

So, I stayed, vacuumed my house, moved some stuff around, did a little dusting, returned some equipment, etc.  I had a pretty good day - though the guys didn't end up getting back until around 9:30 pm.  Which, unfortunately meant that I couldn't go out for dinner and dancing with my friends at 6:30 pm like I was planning.  Oh well.   Life will go on.  I did end up working a 14 hour day, however.  And that sparked this incredible urge in me to take a day off.  Yes!  Take a day off!!!  Can you believe it?!!?!

I worked Sunday and Monday (both long, but good days), and today is THE day.  It's been amazing so far!  I slept until 9 am.  Got up, took a shower, and packed up for the day - gathered laundry, and fun things to do and read.  AT 10:30ish, I absconded with the Radloff's car, and made my way to REI in Brookfield.  The freedom of the road was incredible.  I listened to Gershwin tunes, and sung along in the car.  At REI, I found a jacket that I'd been wanting on sale (it's waterproof and wonderful - I can't wait for fall!).  Next, I headed East on Capital Dr. to Milwaukee where I am now (somewhat blissfully) sitting at Alterra (Humboldt Blvd location), eating an amazing avocado BLT, and sipping a fabulous chai.  Ahhh....  Life is so good right now!

The Humboldt Blvd Alterra is the roasting plant for most of the Alterra locations, and I have to admit, I'm pretty fascinated by it.  I wonder if they do tours...if they do, I definitely want to go.  And I think today may finally be the day that I buy an Alterra t-shirt.  (I've been spending a bit to much, as I didn't spend $150 skydiving this weekend).

Plans for the rest of the day?  I'm not sure.  I think I'll make my way into down town Milwaukee and take a look about.  I've never really tooled around in the city, so I think I'll ask my Alterra "friends" where the best places to go are if I want a "taste" of Milwaukee.  I still need to laundry, so that may be on the docket (it's a bit low on the priority list right now, though perhaps it shouldn't be), and I think I'll end the day at Skibba's place.  Maybe Ruth will even show up. 

Anyways - it's a good day, and I'm reveling in my freedom!  Thank you, Lord!