dream outloud

It's so nice to have a morning off...

I've finally figured out that I need to balance my time here at camp, and not work 70+ hour weeks, and that it's completely possible to get the hours under control.  (sigh of relief)  This week, I've been doing an every-other-day schedule of 8 am - 7 pm (ish), and 11 am/12 noon - 9 pm ish.  I think it's working pretty well; I love having a couple mornings a week to sleep in a bit and get stuff done around the house.  Often when I get home from work, I just don't have the oomph to keep going and get tasks done.  But, in the morning - no problemmo.  It's also helping me with my task management.  I found that I was having too much time at work, and didn't know how to fill it, but still felt like I needed to be there.  Now, since I have a fairly definite start and end time, I have to get my To Do list done within a certain period of time, and that's a good productivity motivator for me. 

 The one element that makes this all especially difficult is living on camp-grounds.  It's so difficult to separate myself from work when I never really leave.  And when I'm "off", I feel kinda house-bound...because if I go outside past my porch, I'll inevitably run into someone who will need my help or want to talk with me about work-related items.  And all I want is some peace...and distance from work.  I'm not sure how Chris, Andy and Dave do it.  It's definitely not easy.  Of course, they have vehicles.

Speaking of vehicles - I saw a sweet Subaru Forester for sale the other day.  I was out with my friend Kara and stopped to take a look.  It's a '99, and going for $4,000 - definitely more that I want to spend, but it's so tempting.  I called about it last night, and left a message.  But, this morning after spending some time on Design*Sponge, I'm really missing Adobe, and the ability to create digital art.  So, the question arises, "would I rather spend $4,000 on a car, and have to wait years to get a computer and software, or would I rather spend $1,500 on an okay car, and be able to buy a computer and software sooner?".  I don't know, I'm just asking God for wisdom, and thinking that I probably won't be buying a car this week.

So, the past couple weeks have had some pretty interesting/hard moments to them.  Two weeks ago, Dad was in the hospital with kidney stones and a ruptured L4.  Last week, I was having absolutely incredible tooth pain - which was miraculously healed by God. Yes, I stand by that - He's the Great Healer!  And this week, I may have to fire someone, and feel like I'm always putting out fires everywhere I go - and I haven't even started planning for the fall retreats that are just around the corner.  Or for the camps that are right around the corner for that matter!  Yikes!  I need to get crackin'.

I have to keep reminding myself that overall, the summer looks really good.  People are pretty happy, departments are running well, and the kids are having a great time, and getting to know Jesus.  It's hard to keep the big picture in mind, when I'm so focused on the details.  I keep telling myself that I know I'm supposed to be here, so everything will work out according to God's plan.

That said, every once in a while I think about the fall - when my contract ends - and wonder where I'll be/what I'll be doing...  I get so frustrated with myself, wondering if I'll ever be 100% happy with where I'm at while I'm there.  Right now, I have no idea what I want to happen in the fall.  Do I want to stay here if it's an option?  If it's not an option, where will I go?  What will I do?  Will I run home with my tail between my legs?  Will I road trip semi-permanently to Montana, and live in a tent outside my brothers' house?  Will I be able to find a job?  Will my loans go into default? 

I don't know the answers to all the questions.  But, I do know that I have a faith in God that will carry me a very long way.  He'll take care of me, He has a plan, and worrying about tomorrow will get me no where.  So, I'll worry about today.  Because each day has enough trouble of its own.