dream outloud

It never ceases to amaze me how I am always provided for. All of my basic needs are always met. I have never experienced having a "true need" - something I just couldn't live without: water, food, shelter, etc. Which is completely amazing considering that the majority of the world's population have serious needs.

According to the hunger report, 1.4 billion people live in extreme poverty http://www.hungerreport.org/2009/mdgs/35. It's almost unimaginable. And it makes me realize how incredibly wealthy I am (though by American Standards, I'm on the low end of the $ train). The Lord is so amazing at providing for all my needs, and well beyond them.

I had an incredible reminder of this today...

I've been fund-raising for a mission trip to Armenia that's coming up this October, and just praying that God will provide all the money needed for the trip. I sent out support letters in August, and this Sunday, I'm presenting information about the trip at my church to raise awareness and, hopefully some support. [Background: This is my third trip to Armenia with the Armenian Relief Mission: armrelief.org. On this trip we'll be doing a food and firewood distribution for some of the most poverty stricken people of Vanadzor, Armenia; doing repair work on past playgrounds we've built, and working at the ARM orphanage in Yerevan].

The cost for the trip is $2,500, and as of this past week, I had raised $1,500. We're leaving on October 15th, so I've definitely been having "questioning moments" about whether all the money I need will be raised. And yet, more than either of the other two trips I've been on, I feel incredibly led to be on this one. So, I just have to have faith that God will provide...

And He has...

...in a BIG way. This morning, I got an e-mail informing me that a $1,000 donation was made toward my trip. Wow. wow. And it's from a very dear friend of mine. And I sat at my desk, and cried.

Thank you, Lord, for your provision. Thank you for going above and beyond all my needs. Never let me forget just how blessed I am. Jehova Jireh, grant me a givers heart, that others may be blessed as you have blessed me.

I've been thinking about time a lot lately...

About how I allow myself to be bound by time, and the cultural norms associated with time. You know: graduate college, get a job, work in a successful career, be living on your own with certain possessions, get married, have kids...this pattern that our American society sets for us.

I don't like it.

And I don't like the pressure that I place on myself to be at a certain place in life at certain times. Especially as I have so many wonderful friends who are older/more successful than myself, or were blessed with finding their soul mates at an early age. I tend to weigh my own success against where they're at in life. And that's not a good thing to do. And really, it's not a sensible thing to do either. We're all different.

I realize that I can't be bound by cultural time.

I need to tune into God Time.

He's been placing this on my heart more and more lately. And I just have to realize, that "I'm not normal". (quiet in the peanut gallery). I've never been overly concerned with getting married, having kids, or my biological tick tock... I want those things eventually, but I really can't place them on a time-line. Fortunately, I'm blessed to have a family that doesn't place pressure on me to be dating, or make rude comments about how I'm not getting any younger.

The truth is - I love living outside the norms. I love the freedom of not being bound to time; and I'm trying to break even more free from time-constraints on my life as a whole. I think God likes to live in the unexpected. He loves to surprise us with good things when we least expect them! And I know that I just need to rest in the promise of Jeremiah 29:11:

Sometimes I have a hard time believing that...but in my heart, I know it's true. God has amazing things in store for me...for you...for us... And who am I to say when those things should happen?

Is time on my side? I don't know. But I know that the Maker of Time is on my side. And that's good enough for me. That's a peace and a promise that I can rest in. Can you?

It was a good weekend. So full. So brimming with life. So satisfying.

Last night I took myself out for a bowl of soup at Panera, and wrote out a list of "Good Things" from this weekend. And it follows:

*camp *driving *gorgeous weather *friends *good conversations *morning coffee * Jake Brothers Band *Jason Raitz * kids singing "Don't Stop Believing" while canoeing across the lake * laying on the dock watching the sunset and making water ripples * scratching behind the cow's ears * the blacksmith shop * incredible worship * happiness * crazy love * productivity/doing * goofy Jason stories * sharing life * stars...lots of stars * hayrides * wearing a beanie * laughing * singing * the beginning of fall colors * snakes * awesome youth leaders * Green House * Laura Paxon * prayer...lots of prayer * redemption * hope * transformation * more prayer * more worship * accountability *truth * acceptance * affirmation * more love *peace.

So, now I feel very filled, and I just want to revel in the feeling of "goodness". My prayer is that this is just a time of goodness for goodness sake, and not because God's building me up for some crazy (bad) stuff ahead. Lord, relieve that fear in me, and help me to know that no matter what comes next, you're still in control, and it's all part of your plan. You are Good.

Ahhh...a happy Friday. Today begins the kick-off to the first half of my camp-season, and the beginning of the Fall Crazies (more on the Fall Crazies later). I'm heading home from work at 1 pm to to finish packin' up, and then I'll hit the road to Wisconsin. :) Oh Wisconsin. You're a bizarre state to love, but I love you dearly. Someday I need to write an Ode to Wisconsin. :)

For the next two weekends I'll be co-directing the Jump Start retreat weekends at Camp Timber-lee. Both weekends are going to be quite intimate (we didn't get the response we were hoping for, [I think we're all trusting that this is exactly what God had planned for these weekends]), but because they're so small, we're going to get some fantastic quality time with the students and their leaders. Should be some awesome weekends. And the weather should be gorgeous too!

In other news, house group this past Wednesday really good. I asked for prayer this week because I have so much on my plate right now. I don't usually ask for prayer, although I don't know why - Lord knows I need it! Anyways, my girls totally encouraged me. It was an awesome time of affirmation - even though it's not what I necessarily wanted to hear, at least I know that I'm not crazy. [Quiet in the peanut gallery!]

I have been waiting for "something" to happen for soooo loooong. Seriously, for 10 years, and more intensely for the past 5. And I just keep hearing, "Wait. Be patient". It's been so long, that I'd begun (again) to wonder if I was really hearing right, or if I was making up excuses that were keeping me stuck. Well, through these wonderful women at house group, and their prayers and words, I am encouraged to know that is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. So Lord, please give me the patience to wait on you for the plan that you have for me. I have such a huge desire for BIG things in this life. Life on an EPIC scale, and I don't know exactly what that looks like. But, I do know that I can trust the Lord, and have faith that He has more for me; that He wants the best for me, and that I just need to keep running this race and persevering to the very end. (No matter how frustrating that is, and how often I just feel "stuck").

So, I leave you all with the conviction that God is Good! He has good things in store for us, if we will wait on Him, and trust that His plan is perfect.

And I also leave you with at picture from my garden, where I recently strung up new lights which I think look quite dreamy. :)

Well, here I am. Joining the ranks of bloggers blurring the line between private and public lives. Really, this is just an outlet for my musings, and a place to keep friends and family updated on what's going on in my life. I figure now's a good time since I'll be out of the country/super busy for the next month or so. So, I hope throughout the life of this blog that you find something life-giving that you can appropriate to fit your life. And through all of it, that you'll dream outloud, and not let your secret hopes and dreams stay secret hopes and dreams. Say them. Write them. Sing them. And then go and live them. "Life's a garden. Dig it."